My Personal Journey with Embodied Recovery

Embodied Recovery encompasses four main pillars: beauty, devotion, embodiment and eros.

This month I am celebrating 8 years sober from alcohol and 8 years 8 months from hard drugs. It’s been a long and winding journey that, while not easily “won” has brought clarity, self respect and a reverent coming home back to my body that is in fact, priceless. If you are sober curious or are in recovery, you are in the right place, welcome. You will soon learn how you too, can become embodied, feel safe within yourself, connected to your sensuality and creative expression once more.

My personal journey was not linear and definitely was not traditional in terms of attending meetings and going through the steps. My path was, as it has been all of my life, different. I did not find 8 years of sobriety in a church basement but rather in the natural world, communing with nature and in deep devotion to yoga, meditation and other embodiment practices. Along the way I became present, released my rage, befriended and alchemized my shadows and found beauty in some places that the general population tends to run from. Hint: the recesses of the subconscious mind, where our programming hides away unbeknownst to most.

I began smoking weed at 12, out of rebellion and an innocent curiosity. At 14 I was sexually assaulted and had a lot of chaos going on at home, and everything went down hill from there. It led me down a winding road of self hatred and addiction, with many wake up calls that shook me up, but weren't quite enough to get me to change my ways.

The addiction wasn't the root problem of course. It never is. Sure, addiction causes many problems in the addicts' lives but generally speaking, the alcohol, substance, etc. is used as a self soothing mechanism. It is a means to mask the fear we experience. It helps us to forget, and oddly feel safe, even though we are from from it.

For myself, I was hurt, hurting, felt super unsafe and unable to express myself. For a sensitive + artistic soul, this felt like a prison. My addictions only further added bars to my "cell" but I didn't realize it at the time.

I tried many, many times to get sober, more times than I can count. I won’t get into the gritty details but my lifestyle was fun, until it wasn’t. I eventually became very, very not okay as the years went on. All of the "stuff" that I was able to push down under a pile of drugs and alcohol, came bubbling to the surface with a vengeance. ER visits, near overdoses, crashed cars, panic disorder, lost money, phones, relationships and dignity, along with friends addicted and dying...

I took up meditation to help me with my by then, delibiltating panic disorder. I was a mess and for whatever reason, decided meditation could help me. And it did, eventually.

Meditation had me shook. I couldn’t believe the amount of thoughts swirling through my chaotic mind. But it was the spark I needed, and I continued on, although I didn’t get sober right then and there. I did go on to practice yoga, and became a teacher in 2014. Around that time I had 6 months sobriety but unfortunately, began my shenanigans up again. I cannot stress enough the importance of the company we keep, espcially in early recovery.

Even as a teacher, I still was a binge drinking, chain smoker and actively did drugs. I was not the typical yoga teacher to say the least…but with intention and dedication, I slowly began to distance myself from my old life, as my new one began to form. I lost many friends along the way, ended relationships and faced periods of self isolation. And it was 1000% worth it.

When I finally got fully sober in 2017, it was during at a very tumultuous time in my personal life. First came the release of hard drugs in January 2017, and with that, drinking wasn’t quite fun anymore. I immersed myself into teaching, which kept me on track with all the early classes. I said goodbye to alcohol for good that same year, in August, and the rest is history.

I was a new mom, a single mom at that and was sure more than anything in my life that I would be a devoted and sober mother to my daughter and I have kept that promise. What kept me sober day in and out, was my approach to it. It wasn’t in AA meetings or rehab. It was a more…unorthodox approach. Aside from the fear in me to never, ever let my life get so fucking horrid again was, oddly, my process was Venusian in nature.

Even in the early days of abject self hatred, I was devoted to my recovery. I immersed myself in self devotional practices, even when I felt unworthy. I had to literally learn how to love myself, because at the time, I hated myself so much. I began daily meditation, daily yoga and communing with nature through hikes, swims, etc. I did it not practice daily yoga to get myself into advanced yogic postures but rather, as a way of devotion to the sober path. I began to see the beauty in life, even in the darkness. And I allowed my heart to open, ever so slowly, to the path of the Beauty Way, and that is what has guided my sobriety ever since.

Beauty.

Devotion.

Embodiment.

Eros.

Seeped in devotional practices of both light ex. nature immersion, and dark ex. shadow work, I began to become used to living life through the clear, sober lens with clarity. That clear lens, especially in the beginning, was daunting. Experiencing my mental state and emotional turmoil without the dulling effects of alcohol was alarming to say the least. Eventually, I learned how shift my mindset and regulate my emotions and nervous system. And let me tell you, it wasn’t done through metaphorically beating myself into submission.

It was done through beauty, love and grace.

It has been such an impactful journey that I now share this path with my students, clients, readers and listeners. When the channels begin to clear (ahem, Clear Channel Yoga), our natural spark, and eros begins to flow. Creative expression ensues and life takes on a richer meaning with more vibrance. Simply put, we radiate our light.

It is through sticking with practices on a consistent basis that we are able to come back home to ourserlves, sometimes for the first time in a very, very long time. Through beauty and devotion, we have the potential to transform our life from the inside out. And if my story resonates with you at all, I promise, your life can transform too.

Collage with quote "Energy is eternal delight".

Living in devotion to the Beauty Way is what has kept me sober and it is a means to support your recovery as well. Venusian in nature, not your typical recovery. Commitment to daily yoga/meditation. Energy work + Gaia. Beauty, devotion + honoring the eros that flows through us + all of life.

• Creating beauty within our minds

• Tuning into the beauty of presence

• Ritual, devotion and adornment

• And through connecting to the inherently erotic energy that flows through all of life.

There is so much beauty in the world, we’ve just got to have a sober mind + vision to experience it with depth. Oftentimes our minds are not beautiful places, especially during and after addiction (of any kind). So, the task is about creating beauty within our minds, which outpours into our lived experience.

Devotion to the path, regardless of big feelings. Learning how to stay present within feelings, both on and off the mat, and cultivate emotional resiliency. Devotion to not just the path but to yourself, to your practices and your lived experience with both clear channels and sober mind.

Embodiment practices including movement, sensual, slow, deliberate + with intention. Tuning into the breath and the sensations as you move and your body goes into different positions. Notice.. what brings pleasure? What feels tight stiff or quiet? How does your body want to be moved?

Eros, which is sensual/sexual energy that is innately within us. It may be a challenge to connect to when sober especially if we were used to only connecting with it when under the influence. Cultivating intimacy within oneself and thus allowing for both pleasure and creative expression is the final key aspect of embodied recovery with CCY.

I’ll be going into each pillar in depth throughout the next months on this blog so stay tuned. First up will be all things beauty.

Have a beautiful day.

Much love,

Amy

To learn about Embodied Yoga (and breathwork) Coaching for Recovery click here. I am offering an introductory trial month for $500 for you as well before making a three month commitment. The sessions I provide are much more than a yoga class. They are a holistic experience that integrates the four main bodies: mental (mindset), emotional (mastery), physical (asana + bw) and auric (energetic/ns) through the lens of embodied sobriety + the beauty way.

Want to connect and learn more taking the plunge? Book a 30 minute connection call w me here.

Note from the author: There is no one definitive to go about recovery. And neither do you need to choose between one or the other ex. AA/NA or an approach that is more like the one I wrote about above. Whatever works, is the best way. I am in feel support of a well rounded recovery path that includes both community and structure along with embodiment and a massive amount of self love